1,2,3

There are so many things I'd like to blog about right now.  I should make an outline, because I know I won't get to it all, so this can provide me with a place to start when I come back.

1.  Definitions of self, expectations, etc
2.  The new mantra
3.  Slowing down time

1.  After a solid 9 hours of sitting in class (2 hours was in the library reading, but let's call it class) on Tuesday, walking to my car a wave hit.  The week had been spent prepping for an exam I had the following day.  This exam had been sitting on my shoulder stressing me the whole week.  I was dreading taking it the next day, but more so dreading the possibility of not coming out of it with an A.
What does it say about me  if it's not an A?
Well that gets me to 2. The new mantra.  It's not about the grades, it's about learning to be competent in my profession.  A grade is a tangible, quantifiable expression of the hard work I'm performing in my program. But I'd like to think that the real expression of how hard I'm working will come out in my practice.
I don't know when I got so fixated on the grades.  I am disappointed in this mindset, because the reality is, it's not the point.
In fact, it baffles me that grades are even necessary in graduate school.  Shouldn't we be to the point where we're all here because we want to be?  Because we want to better ourselves?  Because we truly care about this profession and are willing to work hard to protect competent practice?

So 3.  It's truly important to me to take some time to breathe.  I'm working on this piece.  Honestly speaking, I still feel like there's a lot of pressure on me, albeit knowing I'm the only one placing it there.  I'm working on it!
Breathe 1,1,1, 2,2,2, 3,3,3....